Pink Spider ch.1

May 1st 1998

11:45 pm

He was drunk, that much was for sure. Axel Matsumo had no fucking clue where his keys had gone and he wasn't so sure that he even wanted to find them and return home to his empty apartment and be bombarded with memories of the fight he and Roxas had gone through only two hours before.

Axel- no matter how drunk he’d been- would never forget the fiery anger in the blonde man’s gorgeous sky blue eyes, hearing that normally sweet voice spit back venomous words in retaliation to whatever Axel had said. He couldn't remember what they'd been arguing about anymore. Something stupid, most likely.

“Matsumoto-san?” Axel’s head whipped up from where he was violently trying to force his door open. There stood Namine- a sweet blonde woman who had lived in the apartment next to him for quite some time. Axel blinked owlishly for a moment and let his hand fall from the knob, greeting the young woman with a faint slur in his voice. Namine released the softest of sighs and disappeared into her apartment for a few seconds before returning with a set of keys.

“Matsumoto-san. This is the third time this week. Have you been fighting with Hayashi-san again?” Axel didn't reply, watching with a half grin as Namine unlocked his apartment with her spare key and ushered him inside. The lights were flicked on just as Axel tripped over his own feet in an attempt to remove his shoes- giggling softly. Namine sighed again.

Matsumoto Axel, adored guitarist of the disbanded celebrity rock group Heartless. had been stumbling into his apartment, drunk, nearly every other day for the past few weeks since the completed recording of his newest single, ‘Pink Spider.’ Namine had contacted Axel’s band partner and best friend, Hayashi Roxas earlier that day in hopes that the blonde man would help to knock some sense into Axel. By the looks of things- it had ended badly.

What Namine didn't know, was that it had begun with Roxas dragging one very hung-over Axel out of bed by his foot, wrenching away his covers and exposing the redhead to the terror known as sunlight. Once Axel had grumpily awoken, Roxas then proceeded to make him breakfast all the while lecturing the lanky red-head about Axel’s inability to care properly for himself. Axel, irritated and plagued with a splitting headache, had bit back that Roxas was only at the apartment to take out his anger and jealousy that Axel was finally becoming famous on his own. Roxas had stormed out of the apartment in rage mere seconds later, leaving Axel with a hole of guilt the size of Osaka burrowing about in his gut.

Namine listened to Axel drunkenly ramble on about the shade of Roxas’s eyes as she helped the redhead clean up and fall into bed. Once Axel began to drift off into the land of dreams, Namine bid him goodnight and left- shutting and locking the door firmly behind her.

Axel rolled over onto his side, grasping one of his many pillows and hugging it tightly into his chest. He quickly drifted off into an alcohol-induced slumber-oblivious to the snap of a lock being broken and his front door creaking as it was opened again.

Axel slept through the click and flickering of the living room lights a half hour later, through the groan of his bathroom door and the ripping of fabric. He slept- only to be awoken sharply and with a shout of startled fear whenever some form of a rough cloth slid over his head and tightened around his throat like a noose. His scream was cut off with his air supply as something- or someone, pulled with an inhuman and agonizing strength, dragging Axel backwards off of his bed. The redhead's legs kicked out, covers flying and lanky arms shooting up to try and remove the cloth from his neck. He struggled with a strangled yell as someone dragged him by the neck out of his bedroom and into the hallway, feet tripping about to try and regain lost footing.

Just as the rock-star was able to gain balance, he was slammed face-first into the wall beside his bedroom, gasping and choking whenever a large body pressed against his back. Heavy and harsh breathing began to flutter against Axel’s left ear, and a strangled wheeze broke forth from the twenty three year old’s throat

The fabric around his neck tightened, rough and scraping- like a towel or dish rag- and Axel’s hands scrabbled at the wall, unable to slide them from under his crushed body to pull it away from his throat. “I see you everywhere.” Hissed out his attacker, with a gruff voice that was laced with malice. Axel squirmed, his vision blurring out of focus before snapping back, his head throbbing with pain. “You were always taking the fame away from Roxas and Sora. You used them.” Axel winced, black trickling into his sight. His face was hot, skull pulsing with agonizing wrenches as his circulation began to slow. He couldn't breathe, couldn't stand up for himself or deny what the man was saying. He couldn't gasp out that he was in love with Roxas, and he never meant the harsh things he said- couldn't wheeze out that he only wanted for Roxas to be happy, that he submerged himself into music to hide from the heartache that came with falling in love with his old bandmate. All he could do was panic as his body became sluggish- unable to move without oxygen. His knees buckled, but the figure behind him kept the redhead from dropping to the ground.

"It's time Roxas got the attention he deserved. I've watched how you always mislead him, tricking him into loving you. You're a fucking lie, Matsumoto Axel." The man pulled away- but did not release the fabric that was slung about the thin guitarist's neck. Instead, he allowed Axel to crumple to the ground and proceeded to drag his weakly kicking body through the apartment until they reached the bathroom. Axel winced when he was slammed into his bathroom door, and couldn't stop the man from tying the cloth around the knob.

For a moment, Axel felt weightless. He couldn't lift his arms anymore, and his eyes were drifting shut whenever a face slid into view, calloused fingers grasping his chin. "Remember my face as you die." Axel's head was lax in the hand of a man with blonde hair who's scowl gave way to a satisfied grin as Axel's once fluorescent green eyes darkened, sliding shut and his body falling limp.

The last, fleeting thought that ever entered Matsumoto Axel's mind on the night that he died- was a wish. A wish to find and exact revenge upon the man who had murdered him, and a wish to tell the boy that he'd fallen in love with that he never wanted to die without one kiss from those cherry lips.

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The slamming of Axel's apartment door startled Namine from her artwork. She gently placed down the pencil she'd been using to sketch with and stood. Axel never got out of bed once he was settled in- unless there was something wrong. She also knew that when Axel was drunk, he often forgot how to unlock a door, let alone actually leave the apartment.

With a concerned furrowing of her brows, the petite woman made her way out of her apartment and knocked on Axel's door. When she received no reply after calling his name out, the blonde girl opened the door, a gasp escaping her when she caught sight of Axel's pale form sitting on the floor against his bathroom door, a ripped and ragged towel slung around his neck and tied up at the handle of the door.

Her heart stopped and she jolted into action almost immediately, running over to the redhead's prone form and wrenching the towel off of the doorknob. Her hands pressed against Axel's cheeks. Barely any heat reached her cold fingers- so unlike Axel. Namine pressed two fingertips against his neck, breathing out a sigh of relief at the faint fluttering of a pulse, and lay the unconscious man gently onto the ground.

She stood, rushing for the phone and dialing the paramedics first. When the woman on the other line assured that an ambulance had been dispatched, she quickly hung up and dialed the first person she thought of.

"Hullo?" The sleepy and half-conscious voice of Hayashi Roxas greeted her, and Namine clutched to the phone. How could she tell him? Namine approached Axel's body as she spoke.

"Hayashi-san. Matusmoto-san. He-" She cut herself off with a strangled sob. It had bubbled out of nowhere, and suddenly, Namine felt the prickling burn of tears forming in her eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip, fingers clutching tightly to the cordless phone. She knelt down next to Axel as Roxas's concerned voice started barking out inquiries. "M-Matsumoto-San. H-he's hung himself. He's still alive. Please hurry, Hayashi-san." Roxas's apartment was just across the street from Namine and Axel's. He'd arrive before the ambulance.

The dial tone rang out loudly in Namine's ear, and with trembling fingers, she shut the phone off.

It clattered to the ground as Namine cupped her fingers over her mouth, tears slipping out of her large blue eyes and down her cheeks in rivulets. A broken sob, followed by another and another as she hunched down over Axel's body, praying to every religious figurehead out there that the once lively redhead would make it.

Minutes passed-barely five, when the door slammed open and Roxas was at Axel's side in seconds. His hands ghosted over the redhead's body before cupping his cheeks. "Have you tried CPR?" Namine shook her head- unable to speak. Roxas flashed her a look before he slipped his thumb through the redhead's closed lips and pried Axel's mouth open, bending forward. There had been sirens of approaching ambulances in the background, and before Roxas could do anything, a group of men clad in standard medical outfits rushed in, two of them dropping down beside Axel's body as Roxas was ushered out of the way.

It was a blur of red hair and pale limbs, paramedics yelling as a gurney was hauled in and Axel was hauled out, arms dangling uselessly on either side of his comatose body. Roxas refused to be sent away, and needn't even argue with the paramedics to be allowed to ride in the ambulance. It seemed even they knew of Roxas and Axel's career, and how the duo were best friends. All that the blonde haired percussionist could comprehend were the slowing beats of a heart monitor and the yells of paramedics. Axel's long fingered hand was held tightly in Roxas's own as they tried to force oxygen back into his body. The muscles in that pale hand twitched suddenly, before they relaxed as a loud, unending wail of the heart monitor echoed throughout the ambulance.

At 1:15 on the morning of May 2nd, 1998, renowned guitarist and rock idol, Matsumoto Axel, was officially declared dead. Precisely two and a half seconds later, Hayashi Roxas was put under sedation after suffering from acute hysteria over the loss of his companion after taking four paramedics down as they attempted to drag him away from the celebrity's lifeless body once the ambulance had arrived at the hospital.

It's said that the agonized scream of Hayashi Roxas was heard around all of Japan that night- and that each and every fan awoke from their slumber with tears on their face and an ache in their heart.

Five days later at the funeral of Matsumoto Axel, in Tsukiji, Tokyo, Hayashi Roxas stepped up to the podium, speech in hand, and spoke to the emotional crowd with a shaking voice.

"I'm very shocked to hear about his death. I still can't believe what has happened. Right now, he's sleeping with a beautiful face. I tried to wake him up many times, but he's still sleeping." Roxas's lips thinned and he clutched to the white paper in his hands, shoulders hunching and tears slipping from his eyes. He sniffed, lifting his gaze from the paper to look at the crowd.

"Between the five of us, Axel was the one who kept everyone's spirits up. Even th-though I was the leader, he was the strong-headed one who gave me good advice wh-when I was being short tempered and em-emotional." Roxas broke off with a sob, the speech in his hand shaking with the ferocity of his grip. there was tittering from the crowd, but he ignored it. "Of course- with all that pressure, he too almost lost his identity." He remembered when Axel would often approach him at odd times and as Roxas who exactly he was. A human, or an idol. Roxas would call him a fool and things would seem fine for a little while. The blonde haired percussionist drew in a shaky breath that was cut off with a sob.

"But during those hard times... he'd always give me a call. We would talk about Heartless, music, friends, life, fans, almost anything." Roxas paused, his shoulders hunching and his body wracking with tremors. "He was like a big brother to me and sometimes like a young brother too. We'd drink together and sometimes fight. But the next day, he'd come to me and say, 'Roxas, did I do something last night? I'm sorry, I don't remember a thing.' But this time-" Tears pattered onto the once dry paper, "H-he didn't say anything back to me... sleeping." Roxas's head lifted from where it had been bowed, and his eyes opened completely, lashes thick with tears and rimmed with red.

"To all fans and friends, you must all be confused. I also cannot express this sadness in words, but we must understand and accept this painful reality. Everyone please watch over his eternal sleep warmly." Once finished, Roxas all but broke down, hands clutching tightly to the former vocalist of Heartless, Deyama Sora, as the brunette helped him to take a seat, Roxas's hands covering his face while the older male attempted to comfort his cousin. Taking Roxas's place, Ishizuka Riku stepped up to the podium with a speech of his own, soon followed by Morie Selphie and Sawada Kairi, both having played bass for Heartless during separate times. By then, Roxas had been efficiently calmed enough to take his place at the drums as the group performed their final song, Forever Love, as Kairi took Axel's place.

At the end of the song, Roxas stood from his place behind the piano and approached Axel's coffin, hands resting on it's smooth, wooden surface and leaning forward- giving a single, lingering kiss to it's cold exterior before he stepped away for the last time.

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April 17th, 2001

2:15 pm

"Ain't Afraid to Die seems to be hitting the charts already." Hayashi Roxas murmured, more to himself than the other occupants of the room. From the other end of the table, lead vocalist of an uprising J-Rock band, Niimura Ienzo- better known as simply 'Zexion', sat beside his companion and band leader Niikura Demyx. Both band members were watching their manager. Demyx's hands had been fidgeting until Zexion shot him a dark glare out of his left eye- considering he was blind in his right one.

Exactly one year after the death of Matsumoto Axel, Roxas had thrown himself into his work, creating a record label and talent scouting until he'd stumbled across a group of teenagers with the spirit that Roxas had once seen in both himself and Axel. After spending hours reviewing their music and each member of the band individually, Roxas welcomed 'No Body' to his record label with open arms. Their music was mostly dark, lyrics written by Zexion himself that dealt with things like sexual obsessions, child abuse, media, and even Japan's casual attitude towards abortion. The vocalist was a dark and pale-skinned boy with slate hair that began at the roots as a pale gray, and deepened throughout his wispy hair until the very tips ended in a dark navy color. Roxas assumed that the way the younger male had his hair situated so thickly over his eye was a way to hide the way it was clouded from the visual world. His left eye was lined thickly with dark ink to give him a more menacing look, with a silver ring hooked through the skin of his eyebrow. Zexion's downturned mouth also happened to be accented by the ring pierced in the left corner, which added to the group's style and to the teenager's personality.

The band's leader was the one who had attempted exactly seventeen times to approach Roxas with a tape recording of one of their songs. Finally, the retired rockstar had given in, and was pleased with what he'd heard. The tall teenager was a complete opposite to his dark haired companion. He was all smiles and friendly attitude, constantly thanking Roxas for any form of a compliment that the blonde man would dish out. His hair was a dark blonde, with bleached highlights streaking throughout the mohawk that it had been shaved and forced into. His hands were constantly strumming invisible riffs, tapping against hard surfaces or fidgeting.

Currently, the group had just released their newest single, a song by the title of 'Ain't Afraid to Die', which had almost instantly topped the charts with it's stunning vocals and heart-wrenching tale of a departed lover. Roxas himself, felt a deep connection with the song, and had personally had his own say in the musical aspect of the song.

Demyx's smile grew and he bobbed his head in a bow. "Thank you, sir." The blonde musician mumbled, and Zexion mirrored the movement. Roxas placed down the statistics chart to watch the two with a face depicting the utmost seriousness. Both teens straightened up to show that they were listening and it reminded Roxas that these boys were still barely out of their teens- Zexion having turned seventeen barely a week before the release of their latest single.

"Do you have plans for your next album?" Roxas asked, taking note of how Zexion shifted and was given a fleeting look of concern by Demyx before the blonde-haired teen put his attention onto their manager.

"We do- but we won't be starting on any songs that we have planned until Zexion comes out of surgery." At this, the indigo-haired boy averted his gaze when Roxas's eyebrows rose in curiosity. The air in the room shifted, and the twenty four year old manager gave Demyx a look that urged the guitarist to elaborate.

"Well... we never had a lot of money before you recruited us, see? And Zexion and me were savin' up for surgery for his eye and-"

"Why do you need it?" Roxas interrupted, and Demyx's head lifted from where he was staring down at his fidgeting hands. Zexion shifted in his seat, eye moving from his best friend and band leader, to his manager.

"I want to see normally again." The teen murmured, ignoring when Demyx's hand placed itself against his small shoulder- instead shrugging it off. Roxas scowled, and the vocalist scowled right back, his lip and brow ring making him look all the more menacing.

"And what if the surgery doesn't work?"

"It will." Demyx assured. It was obvious that, had Roxas been anyone with less of a control over their futures, that the blonde haired musician would have said much more, and with quite a bit of spite. There was a fire in the boy's aquamarine eyes, and for a moment, Roxas felt a pang in his chest. He recognized that indignant stare- Axel had sent it his way many a time during their days in Heartless. Nostalgia hit the blonde, but he did nothing except to sit forward in his chair and clasp his hands together before resting them on the table.

"Then lets say it works." He lifted a hand up to silence anything that the guitarist planned on saying and continued. "If it works, you will no longer have that level of respect from your audience." Zexion looked taken aback, but Roxas plunged forward. "You will lose the mutual sympathy and connection with all of your handicap fans and will no longer have something to set you apart from any other second rate vocalist out there." At this, a flash of hurt flickered across that single indigo eye- but Roxas paid it no heed, having lost any kind of empathy for another nearly three years ago.

"You will lose a part of your individuality. Do you want that?" If Demyx planned on speaking, he was cut off by Zexion as the younger male placed a gentle hand onto the forearm of his companion to silence him.

"With all due respect, Hayashi-sama, how can a person's handicap become an advantage?" A sad smile pulled onto Roxas's face, and he glanced down at his intertwined hands for a few seconds before looking up at the two.

"Axel Matsumoto. You've heard of him?" Roxas asked quietly. Demyx nodded in an instant- it was obvious to everyone in the room that the red-haired man had been his idol. Zexion looked frustrated for a beat longer- most likely wondering what this would have to do with their conversation- but he jerked his head up and down. Roxas took in a deep breath and tried to stamp down the despair that was already stirring inside of him.

"Axel Matsumoto had a handicap, did you know?" The twin headshakes made Roxas's smile return, and he held his hands more tightly. "He was addicted to fire. It was unhealthy. Pyromania- is the medical term. I met Axel when I was eleven. He set the boy's bathroom on fire. I was in it- an old bully of mine had locked the stall door he'd forced me into. Axel didn't know I was in it until I started coughing and yelling for help. That was how we met. He pulled me out of the bathroom and in return, I kept his secret safe." Pain tore inside of him, and Roxas bit down on his bottom lip. He couldn't break down- not again. Demyx and Zexion didn't speak, and the older male took it as an initiative to continue on.

"Throughout the years I knew him, he was obsessed. He confided in me once that he always wanted to die by burning alive, to be surrounded by the one thing he loved. It terrified me, because Axel often set parts of his body on fire, and I would be the one to put the flame out. Nobody ever asked why he would come to practice with bandages around his hands and across his arms to a point where you couldn't see anything below his elbows but gauze. I'm sure the both of you had wondered how the stage could be set on fire and we could keep playing without panicking or beign set ablaze?" Demyx and Zexion's head nodded together, and Roxas unclasped his hands to press his palms down onto the surface of the table.

"Axel was in love with fire. He knew everything about it and the human body. He knew just how close you could get before you began to burn, which points of your flesh were the weakest and the most susceptible to flame, and exactly what chemicals put a fire out and which ones made them uncontrollable. It it wasn't for his knowledge, we wouldn't have become so famous as we have now." Roxas fell silent before looking up at them both. He knew that there was a look of agony on his face, and he clenched his teeth to hold back the impending wave of despair. Zexion and Demyx exchanged looks until the vocalist looked back at Roxas, his gaze directed at some point near Roxas's hands.

"I won't get the surgery." That single sentence received a startled shout of the thin boy's name from Demyx as Roxas's face twisted into a content smile. Demyx grabbed Zexion's shoulder, forcing the younger male to turn and look at him. They began speaking in hushed voices before Demyx's large hand moved up to run through the indigo hair that covered Zexion's blind eye. In a flash, Roxas felt like he was intruding on something important as the vocalist pulled his head away from the blonde's hand, his hair softly falling back into place once more. The guitarist sat back with a sour look on his face, crossing his arms as Zexion addressed Roxas.

"We will begin working on our next album. I have a few songs written already, though the music has not yet been arranged." Roxas nodded once and stood, watching the two teens follow suit before walking around the table and extending a hand out to the young vocalist first, giving Zexion's hand a firm shake.

"You've been doing an exceptional job. Keep up the good work." He shook Demyx's hand next, though the taller man looked a bit put out to do so. Once they'd exchanged good-byes, Roxas left without another word, his heart heavy.

Grabbing his coat and hat, the former percussionist placed the woolen cap onto his head so that the small bill in the front helped to shadow his face and then slipped his jacket on. Bidding good-bye to the woman who sat behind the receptionist's desk he left the studio.

The fifteen minute walk to his apartment was made in silence, the memories of his past drowning out the sounds of traffic and other people. The weather was beautiful, seeing as it was that time of year that the sakura trees began to bloom, the gentle wind helping to stave off the humidity of summer that would soon be approaching. The blonde never noticed any of it, though. He couldn't stop thinking of those smiling eyes, that carefree laugh. The way that Axel spoke so passionately about the things he loved, from their friendship, to fire. Roxas winced at the memory of Axel's hand in his own, finally going lax as the last breath of life escaped him, the horrible, wrenching feeling inside of his chest when he realized that they could never argue again, that he could never apologize for the harsh things he'd said, or for never telling Axel how he'd felt.

It has begun as a simple crush- noticing the way Axel looked when he played guitar, the way his body seemed to yearn for the flames that licked along the stage during their performances, or even just the shape of the redhead's mouth whenever it curved into one of those self-assured smirks that Axel so often wore. At some point, it had grown into love and adoration for the older man. For years, Roxas watched Axel, and had been secretly elated that the guitarist had only proceeded to increase his popularity- even after Heartless had disbanded..

Roxas ascended the steps to his apartment room, sliding his key into the lock and twisting the knob before he opened the door. His eyes rose slowly until they caught sight of the one thing he couldn't bear, or even anticipate seeing.

Before him, sitting at his kitchen table with a newspaper in his hands and the living room easily visible through his fractionally transparent body, sat the very man he never seemed to stop thinking of- Matsumoto Axel- hair still vivid as ever, even with their lack of opacity, and his arms long and thin- wearing the same outfit he had that horrible night three years ago with an angry red mark marring the circumference of that pale neck.

Roxas grip on his keys went lax, and they slid from his loose fingers to hit the ground with a clinking thud. Axel's head snapped up just in time to watch the blonde man step backwards out of the door and shut it soundly.

Roxas's blank eyes stared straight ahead- not quite focused on the numbers 813 of his apartment, not quite unfocused on them. He breathed in deeply through his nose, turning to rest his back against the door. The very solid and real door. He slid down to the ground, drawing his knees almost to his chest. He just needed to count to fifteen and step back inside his apartment and everything would be back to normal- because he'd been thinking too much about Axel and hadn't slept well in such a long time that it was all crashing down on him.

Roxas's hand slid into his hair, grasping the blonde locks and eyes clenching shut.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Ei-" A chuckle from above. An achingly familiar chuckle that sent a shiver down Roxas's spine, causing him to freeze in mid-count.

"You always did try to see the logic in everything, didn't you, Rox?" Oh god. This couldn't be happening. That couldn't be Axel's voice, it was impossible to hear that rich, self-assured tenor that never ceased to bring a trickle of delight to Roxas's gut, rolling into his ears and splashing his senses with heat. After three years, he'd forgotten how badly Axel's voice could elicit such feelings. But- it couldn't be Axel, could it?

Roxas lifted his head up, staring at the empty air before him, and then skyward, heart freezing in his chest when his azure eyes locked with a set of partially transparent green ones that belonged to Axel. The very same Axel who only had the top half of his body sticking through Roxas's door and smiling that ever-present smirk that used to send thrills through the blonde's body. Everything flashed white for a moment, and Roxas found himself short of breath, his chest wrenching painfully before the world spun and he slumped to the ground in a dead faint.


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